How to have true friendship

Have you ever wondered how you can make real true friends? The Bible gives us some answers. Firstly, “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly. (Proverbs 18:24) But what does it mean to show himself friendly? We trust you'll get some answers, in this article.

How shall we treat friends?

Firstly, we need unselfish love

Jonathan, by birth, heir to the throne, yet knowing himself set aside by the divine decree; to his rival the most tender and faithful of friends, shielding David's life at the peril of his own; steadfast at his father's side through the dark days of his declining power, and at his side falling at the last--the name of Jonathan is treasured in heaven, and it stands on earth a witness to the existence and the power of unselfish love.

After the slaying of Goliath David was brought before King Saul, and the king inquired concerning his parentage and life. "And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul." Jonathan and David made a covenant to be united as brethren, and the king's son "stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle." And, there was no one so dear to David as Jonathan, because he possessed a pure and noble spirit.

Later, Saul represented David as one who was his deadly enemy, and accused Jonathan, his dutiful, and God-fearing son, of urging on the rebellion, because he would not join in the pursuit of his friend. This was an entirely false accusation. It was not David and Jonathan only who were accused, but the king's own tribe, and the people of his realm were all included in these suspicions as traitors and conspirators. He declared that they were all blind to their own best interests, and were destitute of compassion for him, the king of Israel. He had been informed by spies of the interview between David and Jonathan, of how they had entered into a covenant of eternal friendship; and, as Saul knew nothing of the particulars, he was filled with evil surmising as to their loyalty, and deemed that they were plotting against himself and his kingdom. At one time when Saul had furiously condemned David to death, and Jonathan had asked, "Wherefore shall he be slain? What hath he done?" the king, in a moment of intense anger, had hurled a javelin at his own son, as he had previously thrown one at David. Jonathan had lost all confidence in his father. He was afraid of him, and could not be free and confidential with him; for he saw with sorrow that God had departed from him, and that another spirit had taken possession of him. Jonathon remained loyal to his friend, even at the peril of his life.

We should cultivate tenderness of heart; and surround ourselves especially in the home life with the atmosphere of unselfish love.

We should love at all times, even in affliction and peril

"A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)

Through thick and thin we ought to love our friends. In fact, when they pass through affliction, or discouragement, are times when our friends especially need us.

"To him that is afflicted pity should be shewed from his friend; but he forsaketh the fear of the Almighty. My brethren have dealt deceitfully as a brook, and as the stream of brooks they pass away;” (Job 6:14-15)

When we suppose one to be in error and sin, we are not to divorce ourselves from him. By no careless separation are we to leave him a prey to temptation, or drive him upon Satan's battleground. This is not Christ's method. “Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel.” (Proverbs 27:9)

Speak often words that will be a strength, and an inspiration to those who hear. We are altogether too indifferent in regard to one another. “My lovers and my friends stand aloof from my sore; and my kinsmen stand afar off.” (Psalms 38:11) We forget that our fellow laborers are often in need of words of hope and cheer. When one is in trouble, call upon him and speak comforting words to him. This is true friendship.

"Love is the basis of godliness. No man has love to God, no matter what his profession may be, unless he has unselfish love for his brother. As we love God because He first loved us, we shall love all for whom Christ died. We shall not feel like letting the soul who is in the greatest peril, and in the greatest need, go unwarned, unlabored for, and uncared for. We shall not feel like holding the erring off, and being critical and exacting, or letting them alone to plunge into further unhappiness and discouragement, and to fall on Satan's battleground, for God will deal with us as we deal with our brethren or the younger members of the Lord's family.

Friends May Betray

At times it seems: “Lover and friend hast thou put far from me, and mine acquaintance into darkness.” (Psalms 88:18) No matter how good of a friend someone may be to us, we can not base our happiness, or peace of mind on our acceptance with them. Earthly friends can and do fail us in the time of our greatest need. Job found this out. “My friends scorn me: but mine eye poureth out tears unto God.” (Job 16:20) Many whom we think are our friends, love us merely with selfish reasons. God knows this and has warned us:

And ye shall be betrayed both by parents, and brethren, and kinsfolks, and friends; and some of you shall they cause to be put to death. And ye shall be hated of all men for my name’s sake. (but with this warning comes the promise) But there shall not an hair of your head perish. In your patience possess ye your souls.” (Luke 21:16-19)

And again the warning is given, associated with a promise again. “Trust ye not in a friend, put ye not confidence in a guide: keep the doors of thy mouth from her that lieth in thy bosom. For the son dishonoureth the father, the daughter riseth up against her mother, the daughter in law against her mother in law; a man’s enemies are the men of his own house. Therefore I will look unto the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear me. Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD shall be a light unto me. I will bear the indignation of the LORD, because I have sinned against him, until he plead my cause, and execute judgment for me: he will bring me forth to the light, and I shall behold his righteousness. Then she that is mine enemy shall see it, and shame shall cover her which said unto me, Where is the LORD thy God? mine eyes shall behold her: now shall she be trodden down as the mire of the streets.” (Micah 7:5-10)

She weepeth sore in the night, and her tears are on her cheeks: among all her lovers she hath none to comfort her: all her friends have dealt treacherously with her, they are become her enemies.” (Lamentations 1:2)

Godly Response to Betrayal

And the LORD turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before.” (Job 42:10)

"If one of these little ones" shall be overcome, and commit a wrong against you, then it is your work to seek his restoration. Do not wait for him to make the first effort for reconciliation.

Christ will be a true friend

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24) This friend, Christ, is the only one that we can trust to stick with us.

In the scriptures we find examples of some who were friends of God.

And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God.” (James 2:23)

When circumstances separate us from every earthly friend, Christ won't forsake us. He says: “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Christ, laid down His life for us. And He goes on to say: "Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.” (John 15:13-15)

How do we treat this heavenly friend?

Suppose a friend were with us, and we should meet an acquaintance on the way and direct our whole attention to our new-found acquaintance, ignoring the presence of our friend, what opinion would men have of our loyalty to our friend, of our degree of respect to him? And yet this is the way we treat Jesus. We forget that he is our companion. We engage in conversation, and never mention his name or include his instruction in our words. We talk of worldly business matters, and where it does not bruise the soul, where it is essential, we do not dishonor Jesus, but we do dishonor him when we fail to mention him in our intercourse with our friends and associates. He is our best friend, and we should seek for opportunities to speak of him.

His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.” (Song of Solomon 5:16)